When the Industry throws you Away

 The biggest lesson I learned? People only feel threatened because you’re powerful and they only throw shade on what shines. I realized, if I wasn’t standing on truth, no one would try so hard to silence me. Oh, and everything had to fall apart, in order to fall together. 

Isn’t it funny how life works? My entire life, I worked and sacrificed everything to be on the biggest stages in the world. I crossed continents for dance. I moved countries and cities to be surrounded by the right environment, so I could achieve my biggest dreams. Since I was a little girl, I dreamed about being a dancer, and nothing would stop me. I sacrificed truly everything to get to where I dreamed of going. I worked long days and late night shifts so I could pay for tickets to the USA, pay for my dance classes, pay rent in places I’d never lived before, invest in myself and my growth and my talent. I slept on many couches in NYC & LA (thank you to every single one of you who has supported me during all the different chapters of my life), took a million dance trainings, invested every coin I had, not in clothes but in classes, and skipped food for the urge of learning more from G.O.A.T.s in the industry. I did at least a hundred auditions, all for the slightest chance of making my dreams come true.

I left my hometown, broke off relationships, chose to sacrifice seeing my niece and nephew grow up and seeing my grandparents get older, being away from all the big celebrations of my mom, some funerals of people I cared for, being able to be there at times for the people I love so deeply, weddings and bachelorettes, as my drive told me it was all going to be worth it. And, it was, for some time.

Dance shaped me. It broke me open and rebuilt me stronger. I have become the strongest, most deeply connected, bravest, deepest, resilience fullest, toughest, kindest, most empathic, softest, most understanding version of myself. I have discovered my worth, fought fears, expanded my mind, essence and possibilities, broke down old beliefs, and challenged my body, but also my spirit. I felt it all and went through it all so I could become the best dancer I truly could be, so I could continue to live in my passion with purpose, and shine my light across the world. I became a better and more evolved human all because of dance and its challenges. Dance turned my struggles into expression and my experiences into art.

I did it and I did many things. My (20 years) dancing career experience encompasses international and national (world)tours, concerts, video clips, live theatre, award shows, dinner shows, television work, festivals, night clubs, commercials and cruise entertainment, i.e. moving theatre life at seas.

Back in 2018, I booked my first big world tour and everything fell into place for that version of myself. I truly had the best time until the pandemic hit. I was grieving it all. Was it all truly just over like that? Work didn’t consider checking on us, and the moment the world shut down, their communication shut down too. But I thought we were a family? I learned soon enough that business is business and that there is definitely no business like show business. I was back on my own feet again.

As an immigrant, it isn’t easy to make the move from one continent to another continent. But it’s even harder as a single woman who speaks a different language, is a freelancer and chose the occupation dancer. In addition is the fact that this is not an occupation that is truly respected all over in the world, as people often assume you’re kind of a stripper, but different.

The stuff you need to do as an artist to build your case to show and prove to the government of America that you are extraordinarily talented and that you truly will be an asset to their country is INSANE and feels almost IMPOSSIBLE. The first time I did this visa process and its preparation (after already having written two theses, one for my Bachelor in Dance and another one for my Bachelor in Dance Education) was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, starting from scratch, not knowing anyone while being in a new country. Nobody will ever understand until they do. I promised myself that after the first time, I would never do this visa application process again. Yet, life thought differently. Every three years, my visa would expire, even though when I swore I would never do it again, my intuition whispered, “You’re not done yet.” And I’ve applied for and received a total of four o-1 artist visas in my life, at this point. 

*Fun fact, every application will cost you between 5-8K (plus an extra 3K for premium processing), with the risk of losing it all if they decline you.

Fast forward to the year 2024, when I found out, after four very tough, heartbreaking pandemic years, that there was another opportunity to be back on a world tour again…. I was super excited, as I felt like the universe was rewarding me for not giving in or up. I had stuck to my heart, instead of letting my own rationalizing thoughts and fears win, of maybe changing career. Within those years, it was truly so hard to hold on, so this time, it felt like it was an even bigger reward, as I truly did survive four of the most tough years for an artist in history! Or, at least, in a very long time.

But here is the truth that took me years to admit: We are trained to endure so much that we forget to ask if we should. Just because we can handle so much, people assume we should! The industry celebrates passion (it thrives on it), it depends on it and it romanticizes sacrifice. But passion is not permission to pour from an empty cup. Gratitude isn’t silence, professionalism isn’t self-erasure and loyalty isn’t self-abandoment. At some point something inside me refused to shrink anymore. Not cockiness but simple clarity.

I stopped asking “Can I survive this?” And started asking. “Does this honor who I am becoming?”

That question is powerful. Because once you see your worth clearly, you cannot unsee it. You stop convincing yourself survival is the same as thriving and you stop accepting less simply because you love what you do. And when you stand in that energy? Rooms shift.

Were you aware that back in the ’80s, Michael Jackson’s dancers were making around $10,000 a week. Adjusted to today’s standards, that would be closer to $25,000 a week, if those standards had continued. But they didn’t. Instead of progressing, we’ve regressed. Nowadays, many dancers are fighting just to receive the bare minimum. (Dancers Alliance)

If we were soccer players, we’d be competing in the World Cup. Look at the difference in treatment and pay between dancers and soccer players. Yet our job also demands extraordinary talent. We perform under intense pressure, execute under high-pressure while entertaining and influencing millions of people and their well-being. We are also capable of increasing the frequency of an entire city simply because of our delivery and performance. Yet, how come we are the most disrespected artists in the entertainment industry, or actually, in the world?

If you ask me, it’s time for growth. Not just personal growth, but collective growth. It’s time to change how we value the humans who bring stages to life.

My passion and love for my work, my co-workers and the adventures was so deep, that it all balanced out for a while. But, we shouldn’t have to put our love for life itself and each other on a scale to balance out our lacks in life. The moment you start to understand your self-worth, this scale doesn’t exist anymore.

Dancers are the most phenomenal beings, if you ask me. Dance is athletic (especially when performed on high heels), emotional and human. Dancers train like athletes, even though people don’t call us this. And most people, actually, have NO IDEA how much it really demands. We build strength, precision, endurance, stamina, expression and discipline. We work for hours and hours for years (and years) for a few moments on stage. If people want to do our job, they simply have to be reborn, and then MAYBE you would have the mindset and resilience and talent to make it to where we did. We also are artists who create art with our bodies. The experiences of life make us better artists, as every loss, heartbreak or moment of joy shifts the timing of our movement, influences our texture, or finds a way to turn movement into vocabulary that anybody can understand.

And then there is the real-time processing. In a world that is full of AI, live performances are left with being one of the purest, most vulnerable, most real moments of art and connection. We deal with all our emotions and yet still deliver every time. We control our adrenaline, nerves, feelings, execution, excitement, strength, softness and worries just so we can deliver the most amazing performances so other people can feel something. We remember choreography, steps, spacing, directions, timing and music cues. We process it all in seconds and deliver it with our entire body, heart, spirit and soul. All our energy that we have, we give away, because we love to share our passion with you! And when we do this well, you will feel it in your body, in your nerves and in every cell you have. If we do it really well, you feel it in your soul.

On top of this, we are also amazing actors, because no matter how hard the performance is for us, we will always give it our all, while it looks like it’s the easiest thing we have ever done and we look like having so much fun doing it. Yes, the fun part is true, but just like your job, not every day is a good day. Yet you would never know what day, for us, it wasn’t.

So once again, Im wondering… how come we live in a world where most of the world likes to replace and undervalue us, instead of respect us?

I realized that sometimes people rise with you, sometimes they reveal themselves and sometimes they release you. 

They chose not to extend my contract. Not to my face, not with a conversation, not even with eye contact. They knew for weeks they would do this, yet waited until after the last show to tell my agent with a simple cold email, they would “not be needing or using our services anymore.” They took away my chance of truly knowing my last show was my last show, and I will never be able to get that back.

And just like that, an entire life of building, pouring my heart and soul into each performance of my life, they wrote a lil note to my agent and it was all done. One press on the computer and I didn’t exist anymore. I became disposable, a number, and they no longer cared. Not about me as a performer, a friend, a co-worker or as a human. Years of loyalty, dedication and sacrifice ceased with one line of a text.

Shocked? Not really. The universe protected me and was simply clearing my path. It pushed me in the direction of timeline elevation, as that’s what I deserved.

My intuition whispered: I’m proud of you. You showed your worth and you stood up for what felt right. Yes, maybe if I had kept my mouth shut, I would still be there. And you know what? If they had treated me with respect, I would have kept my mouth shut. But, they didn’t.

So now: It's time for change!

There is a deep and quiet kind of heartbreak when a chapter (a lifetime of a cycle) closes without a proper ending. No final bow, no acknowledgment, just a simple shift. And suddenly, something you poured years and years of discipline and heart into becomes a memory.

That kind of ending teaches you something applause never could. You are not your title and not your job. Because being released is not the same as being reduced. What feels like rejection is protection and what feels like loss is elevation. I believe, the universe cleared the stage so I can build my own.

I honor the woman I've become, who now knows she is deserving of her highest timeline. I no longer confuse intensity with power, endurance with strength and I no longer believe that shrinking makes me loyal. 

Have you ever noticed that your frequency can’t be dimmed and only be redirected? You can be replaceable on paper but irreplaceable in spirit. And therefore, I didn’t disappear, I transformed. I now have stronger boundaries, clearer standards and higher alignment.  

I’m thankful for the growth and learnings I’ve experienced. All those years have shaped me professionally and personally, and I will forever appreciate the opportunities I received. I made friendships for life, found soulmates and have a suitcase full of memories from around the world with some of the most amazing people.

While I am majorly disappointed in how this process was handled and sad about not returning to this stage, I learned that my purpose is bigger than my dreams. And, I am aware that this decision ultimately created space for a way healthier, more aligned, purposeful path forward for me. A path filled with pureness, respect, loyalty, truth, elevation, love and abundance!

Im ready to dance through life at a frequency that finally matches my worth. 

Im ready to dance with destiny.

“A phoenix must burn and turn to ashes in order to be reborn.”

Shout out and deep respect to Taylor Swift and the culture she's building.

May more artists lead by example and continue raising the standard.

*Highly recommend watching her docu-series "Taylor Swift: The End of an Era" on Disney+ to see how performers can be treated with the upmost respect. 

@solangezindzi