Vulnerability can Save the World

Two weeks ago, I was with some friends hanging out in my hotel room in Ecuador when one of them shared this amazing metaphor with me. As soon as she shared this message, it hit home for me and I knew I wanted to write about this for my next blog.

She explained to me how turtles have remained the same over eternity, and it shows that any species that has a protective shell evolves very slowly. Turtles also are very slow beings, and the moment they get scared, they go inside their shell and hide, instead of facing their fears. Yes, this is indeed how they are protecting themselves, as they then can survive their fears, stay out of danger and get super old (like the one turtle in this picture which is 140 years old). But, are they truly evolving?

Turtles carry their homes on their back at all times, and even though it protects them without truly limiting their freedom (as they can still move around, very slowly, though), it does limit their evolvement. I mean, look at the picture (which I, btw, took last week in Peru). This turtle basically still looks exactly the same as the turtles that were here on Earth from the beginning of turtle time. It shows us when you are guarded as a turtle – but I believe also as a human – you become closed off and you basically shut down and stop growing or evolving (for centuries).

When you compare a turtle to an octopus, the octopus is the most evolved species on this planet! The octopus was able to evolve at such a quick pace because of its softness and vulnerability. They are shell-less, which means they are exposed and forced to develop superpowers to simply survive, as there is no way to hide. The octopus shows, teaches and proves to us, that when you have no shell, stay soft and open, you actually become stronger, wiser and a more compassionate being over time.

Octopuses are some of the most fascinating beings, if you ask me. Did you see the documentary My Octopus Teacher on Netflix? I learned there that octopuses are super intelligent, shape shifting and deeply mysterious. They truly can escape the most closed-off locations and recognize individual humans. They can change color and texture instantly and rearrange their environments when needed, all while they have soft, sensitive, exposed flesh. How freaking powerful and intelligent are they? All while being the most vulnerable…

When we humans stay open, we will realize we are very similar to them, as we are also truly born open and are deeply affected by our environment, just like the octopus. If we humans would take notes from the octopus, our greatest strength could become our vulnerability: the ability to feel, adapt and respond. The octopus has survived since the beginning of octopus time by blending in and reading its environment constantly, all while it never stays the same and consistently keeps changing, transforming, evolving and growing.

Octopuses and we humans are both creatures of awareness, navigating through a world that doesn’t always reward softness. Yet their evolution proves that you don’t need to harden up or have “armor” to survive in this tough world, and being sensitive could simply be enough. Sometimes, the most advanced beings are the ones who are willing to feel it all, who are willing to transform it all.

I believe vulnerability leads to bravery and every real transformation needs both. When you’re able to be vulnerable, you’re willing to step outside of your comfort zone, you’re willing to take risks. The moment we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we make space for others to do the same. We allow others to meet us as we are. This is why I believe vulnerability can lead to depth within relationships and it leads to trust and intimacy.

But to be able to share your most vulnerable parts, you have to allow yourself to be open. Once you do this, you will experience connection to your surroundings, to a higher power, to yourself and to others. The moment you find out you’re not the only one going through what you’re going through, will show you this vulnerable moment is exactly what builds connection and gives you the opportunity to transform.

It’s about being open, with intention, in safe places, as we often only feel ready to be vulnerable when we feel safe. This is why I would like to challenge you to create safety within yourself first. The moment you feel safe in your own skin, in your own body, in your own spirit, you will feel ready to be vulnerable. The moment you feel at home in all you are, this will lead you to more vulnerability, growth, evolvement, softness, love, connection and community.

The moment you don’t feel at home in all you are yet, the train works the other way around. Look for the people who you think feel at home in all they are, who represent a transformation within them you may feel connected with. And then dare yourself to be vulnerable so they can be vulnerable too and share with you how they themselves made themselves feel at home within again. May their vulnerability help and lead you to your own transformation. Be soft, be open and dare to take risks. Not everyone will understand your softness, but the right ones will lean in (and not away).

I’ve learned over time, you don’t always need to protect yourself with this big armor of a closed-off aura. ’Cause why do we close ourselves off? Why do we protect ourselves? I would say out of fear (of pain). But honestly, fear never leads to evolving and pain is unfortunately part of life. Actually, experiencing pain is often exactly the moment which transforms us the most.

Pain is mostly there to remind you, you have some healing to do somewhere. It’s there to show you, you need to pay some extra attention to something. It’s there guiding you in what places you can use some transformation. It’s truly there to help you expand and evolve.

May I remind you, I believe there is a difference in life between feeling pain and suffering. I believe pain is a message from your body, emotions or soul, and suffering is a message from your mind. And if you aren’t aware of this, you may suffer a lot longer than the pain’s intention was. How do you hold pain without suffering? I have experienced that you do this through allowing your pain to be there, so it can transform. The more you’re willing to stay vulnerable (by feeling all of it), the easier you will transform pain into compassionate softness and away from suffering. You do this through allowing it to simply be, by allowing yourself to feel it through so you can heal and evolve forward.

I believe when you’re vulnerable, you live in alignment with who you are. No more hiding behind facades (ego). You stop performing and start being. When you allow yourself to feel pain, all of it (from sadness to fear to anger), you allow deep wounds and pain to come up and be healed. The moment you reveal these parts of yourself (to yourself and/or others) is when you allow yourself to release them. While you are releasing and transforming your own being, you learn along the way many lessons: lessons which then will connect you more to yourself, to a higher energy source and to one another. I have noticed, the moment I allow myself to be vulnerable enough to share these experiences, the more compassion I hold for myself and my transformations, the more compassion and connection I feel for and to others.

Protection is double, as, yes, it keeps us safe, but it also hides our true selves and limits our (personal) evolution. We humans often deflect with humor, withdraw into silence, lash out in fear and build high emotional walls. We often mask our emotions (out of protection) and we wear social camouflages (out of fear or the need to simply get by). Despite the fact that we humans are social creatures, we often wrestle with deep inner loneliness and isolation, especially the more emotionally complex we become, as we’d rather be alone than be vulnerable to one another. Yet, I have learned and now believe: vulnerability allows meaning for connection and it isn’t weakness, as it requires the most courage to live with. 

So, what if we humans would peel back our shells? Would this allow us to finally realize we belong together instead of going through life alone? Would it help us transform into the most evolved, compassionate humans we can be?

When was the last time you allowed yourself to feel something fully? (What part of you are you hiding the most?) Do you know who currently are the people in your life who make you feel safe enough to be vulnerable with?

Would you even be willing to show up in this world as your most vulnerable self?

We live in a world that praises strength, but what if I tell you: Softness is strength. What if I tell you that being strong means being open?

One of my friends wrote for my birthday post: “She is so strong, she is soft.” And I loved this so much! I think it was one of the best compliments I have ever had, and I felt so seen.

No matter how many times my heart has been broken, I still choose to stay open and to love. No matter how many mistakes I’ve made or how much fear I’ve felt, I still dare to take risks with softness. And this takes strength and is, in my eyes, vulnerability at its fullest. As much as I want to turn on the turtle shield around me to protect me, at all times… I know deep down, this will hold back my growth, my evolvement and my capability to feel and share love, within, so without.

So yes, you have to be strong to be soft. You have to be willing to shed all your layers until you become like the octopus. And I believe the more we show up as these strong yet soft human beings, the more we inspire others to do the same. The more we create these safe vulnerable spaces for each other, the more we are changing the world, one person, one moment, one space at the time. ’Cause this world should connect and evolve on truth, not on façades and fakeness. This world needs more empathy and compassion instead of loneliness and judgment. The world needs more vulnerability and connection instead of division and wars.

If you’re feeling too sensitive for this world, know it’s a great thing! You are a leader and inspirer to us all. The world needs you daily to be so strong, you’re soft.

I truly believe, there is no end point of how awesome we humans can get, as long as we keep our shells off: as individuals, as a community, as a culture, as a country, as a continent and as humans in general on this one big, wildly beautiful but messed-up planet.

My birthday wish?

May you be so strong, you’re soft.

May you choose trust over fear, always.