Things happen to Us,

- so we can relate better to others. Wait, what? You’re wondering if I’m telling you that things, bad things, happen to us just so we can relate to each other?! (I know, wild thoughts.) 

Okay, let me explain.

Bad things happen, to all of us, and they suck. They are painful, frustrating, confrontational and whatever shitty emotion on the negative side of life you may relate to. (They all suck!) Yet, I also know that we will never stop experiencing having bad things happen to us. Not to be Debbie Downer here, but I mean, it’s part of the human experience, right? Those are the moments when the biggest lessons, growth and evolvement happens within, and so without. Those are the moments which often bring us closer to each other and our purpose.

Bad things may continue to be part of life, but what we can do or how it has an influence on us comes from how we deal with them: how we view them, how we process them, how we use them, how we apply them, and how we can turn all that pain into purpose.

I have noticed, the moment I relate to others, feel supported (find ways to turn my problems into solutions), or have a sense of being seen or understood… the healings of the bad experience and the releasing of it becomes lighter and feels quicker. The more I feel seen or connected to another, the easier I find it to process the situation.

This is why, I believe, everything in life is, in the end, about care and community. About sharing, pouring, receiving and taking care of each other. Over and over, and over again.

Sometimes I wonder why certain things happen to (for) me. Yet, the moment I relate, recognize or see someone else is going through something similar, I feel so grateful. I might know better now how to connect or support the other, in what I think might come the closest to someone else’s desires in the moment.

Being able to offer help by going back to my own needs and wants, from within those shitty periods, and remembering what I desired the most within those times... I’m able to hold space from experience instead of ignorance. I’m able to find more aligned solutions to the problems and I’m able to connect, or the other way around, where others can connect with me, from a place of understanding.

Whenever others take care of you in a way your heart desires, creates a deeper bond, in my experience. These moments of vulnerability, these fragile periods, these feeling powerless fears that become a constant on your mind, are, in my opinion, only able to fade away through the one and only energy of love; love in all its ways, but especially, in the right way (for you). And what a better way to receive love within those uncertain phases, in ways you realize are the closest to achieving the most desired feelings of the support you’re craving.

One person might ask you the right questions, the other gives you the perfect distractions, one holds space for you exactly like you need it, another hugs you just a lil longer, the way you crave it, another brings you the solution you couldn’t see yourself, or maybe someone helps you understand your own feelings better as they connect with you through it all. Whatever your needs are, knowing there is someone on the other line who might be able to understand you better or be there for you is such a phenomenal feeling to aim for, or person to become, as we humans go together through all stages of life.

The moments you feel heard, seen or are able to feel less alone are so powerful. And not only that, they are bonding and building moments. Moments where you reach deeper for each other. Moments where you’re willing to search deeper, talk deeper, feel deeper and love deeper. These deep experiences and connections make your relationships stronger and closer.

So yes, I believe that things happen FOR us, so we can relate to each other. ’Cause the consequences of these feelings are care and community when you choose them to be. Yes, I also believe this is not the only reason why things happen for us, but check out my blog: https://www.solangezindzi.com/blog/what-if-it-happens-for-you if you’re curious to read one of my other perspectives too!

Whenever you experience these “lesser moments” and are able to turn them into powerful moments, is in my eyes, an empowering way of doing life.

Trust me, most of us love our me-time. I live these days for prioritizing my me-time, and especially in bad seasons, before I am able to give, pour or share any of my energy with the world. (Still my biggest challenge! I’m so bad in it.) As, eventually, I believe connecting is what it is about. But all of those connections (reminder to myself) is what I’m talking about: connection with yourself, with your higher self, your energy source AND with your community.

And I believe the more we prioritize all these connections, by investing in them, relating to them and holding space for them, in whatever form… the more love we will feel for ourselves and each other, the more loving this planet will be.

’Cause how nice would it feel knowing you’re not judging but relating? You feel understood instead of having feelings of loneliness. You feel recharged instead of running on empty. You feel supported and connected instead of alone. You feel at peace within and so without.

A few weeks back, one of my friends lost her passport right before we were supposed to board. I tell you, the situation was stressful. I mean, REALLY stressful. No, it wasn’t my passport, so it didn’t have to be my stress, but when I tell you, as the Queen of Losing Stuff (often ’cause I am already thinking – not being present – about the next thing, or I’m ahead of myself and put it in that “extra good” spot, so I don’t lose it. Yup, that move, where you realize you never lost it, but you were ahead of yourself once again, and then you forgot you did and still “lost” it… yeah, I’m that gurl!), so this situation was an experience I clearly related to so deeply.

Because I have been in this exact situation before, I was able to connect, hold space and help my friend in ways I know she most likely needed, as I would go back to my experience and wondered what I needed back then when I lost my passport at such an inconvenient moment. Eventually, luck was on our side, and literally one minute before the door closed, we found it and jumped on the plane.

While being in the air (my thoughts make over hours), I experienced the helicopter view of this experience. ’Cause through this moment, I felt closer and more connected to my friend. She told me she felt super supported and our relationship became one on a new level. I was reminded of the power of connection and community, but also how useful it is to release lesser experiences, together. ’Cause us talking about it after, I know for a fact, calmed my friend’s nervous system back down from fear to love, from shock to serene and from chaos to calm.

It made me reflect about all the experiences where I needed help from others. How those bonds feel closer, simply because I allowed myself to be vulnerable. We allowed ourselves to feel safe enough to even ask for help, based on the connection we had with each other. And each time those needs were met, they made the bond, one way or another, grow deeper and stronger.  

I know, the experience I related is a less dramatic experience, but I used this example on purpose to show you the way an experience with a bad feeling can be similar to an experience with a worse feeling. ’Cause when you think of one of the worst things that could have happened to you, the consequence of choosing to eventually share, help, relate, release and feel understood by others is what makes shitty less shitty for all those moments and people involved.

And not just that, it creates bonds between humans. Beautiful bonds.

So, the next time you are in the middle of a bad moment, pause. Take a breather, and find people who might have been going through something similar. (Or those who you trust have good insight, knowledge or skills for it.) ’Cause whenever you feel that other people can relate to or help you, it makes the experience so much easier to deal with.

We are not on this planet to do it all alone. Finding your tribe and building your own community should be a big goal on your list. ’Cause community will be your way to releasing, your way to healing, your way to transforming and your way to evolving. Some communities might disappear the moment you’ve healed your trauma(s), while others bring you closer with each new adventure. Some communities are based on your shared JOY instead of pain, and others are based on the feelings of “seeing” each other, without needing to know each other’s past, ’cause you already “see.”

Long story long, when you’re able to find the reason behind situations, or use the experiences to choose to become a reason / have a reason… you will notice, for whatever reason, that as long as you choose to not give up, building community and creating more love within, together as a community and on this planet, will always be related to it if not the consequence of it.

In life, everything comes down to connections.

How connected are you to yourself?

How connected are you to your faith?

How connected are you to the people around you?