Heartbreaks & Healing HeartsAug 06, 2023
Heartbreaks, urgh, aren’t they truly the absolute worst pain in the world?
I’ve had my fair share of those, as I’ve basically fallen in love with someone from each continent on this planet. THE PAIN! Never does it get easier. You know when you’re so full of pain that you literally, physically feel your heart in actual pain. The pain becomes so intense that it’s not just emotional anymore but it's real, actual deep stinging pain in your real, fragile heart. Combine this with the bonus of abuse, betrayal, trauma and daddy issues, and you basically have hit the jackpot. Sometimes, I truly wonder how my heart can still hold so much love, over and over again.
I guess it’s my passion, my ambition, my dreams. They are my blessing and my curse. They can light my heart up like fire, yet I also think I have experienced so many heartbreaks because of it.
(Also, not counting the emotional unavailable men I like-d to pick, together with the walking disappointments. Oops!)
That being said, not to blame my love for dance, and love for life for the actual pain in my heart, but I mean more for the influence on all the goodbyes I’ve had to go through because of it, which eventuated in heartbreaks, each and every time. Yet at the same time, all the hurt of all those heartbreaks were healed by my passions and dreams. (Make it make sense.)
I always have felt as if heartbreaks are like grieving, as you’re truly grieving for the other person. Grieving stands for accepting and dealing with the fact that things will never be the same again. That you won’t be able to hold them, feel them, see them and experience life with them again. From having many experiences together to suddenly having them erased from your life… (or at the most, still follow them on social media while you have all their pop-ups, stories and posts muted. Urgh, life is so weird.)
Heartbreaks are just super hard. But, what will help a lot is to accept that person for who and what they are, right now, while deciding not to hold on to the idea of what they could have been. Secondly, stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it... And then, you must know. The love you felt from the other person, it didn't come from them. They simply sparked the love that was already inside you. All that love was within you all along and they were simply there to remind you of it.
I’ve definitely had to invest a fair amount of time into getting my eyes shining and this heart back beating, over and over again. And I learned, the more heartbreaks you experience, the better you know how to handle them. The deeper the pain, the higher the comeback. The heavier the tears, the brighter the smile! The hard part always seems to last forever but I can say with confidence, this storm too, will pass. And no, the pain of the breaking of my heart doesn’t get less with the experience of each heartbreak, but the suffering does. I promise.
Often times, the pain and the trauma of the pain, becomes our fear, which then means that fear becomes our limit. ‘Never will I allow somebody to hurt me like this again’ are regular thoughts which then will arise. But, if you then build a wall to keep the fear/pain out, you also keep the love out… On top of this, I want you to know that fear and love can’t exist in the same place at the same time, meaning that, when there’s love, there is no fear around or when there’s fear, there is no love around. Conclusion: the remedy for fear (or the fear of the pain) is truly and only LOVE.
To be honest, I guess you can say I’m pretty much a sucker for love, but can you blame me? I simply love to love, and I truly wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t love hard.
Which is why, I’m here to remind you to never stop being brave enough to love deeply. The dive is always worth it. Always. The experience of pure love is truly worth the jump into the unknown. It’s honestly worth the experience, no matter how long it lasts. The fact that you were able to feel that candle lit up from inside out, that passion, that connection, that safety, that joy, that freedom, the flow of burning love running through all your veins, that warmth, that heat, those butterflies, the happiness… it’s all worth the risk of the pain that might follow, in my eyes. Why? Because those are the moments I feel the most alive!
But, you have to be brave. Brave enough to allow all this love to win over your fear for the pain which could follow once this love could possibly leave you...
Everyone’s rock bottom is different, I know. But you have survived every rock bottom moment of your life so far, haven’t you? You are strong. Really strong. Probably stronger than you think while reading this. Stronger than you can imagine. And through that pain of broken or unanswered love, you face your strengths. (Which means, you no longer just think you're strong but you actually learn HOW to be strong.) It is through the hardship that our heart cracks open and our spirit is called to step forward.
It can be so painful and scary but through those horrible bounce backs you evolve courage, and through courage you build confidence. The more confident you feel, the more confidently you love, and the easier it will become to be loved again. Soon, you will be grateful for what has broken you down and cracked you open as you will realize that this world truly needs you open. (More soul, less ego is the goal.)
For now, take your time. Take time to truly heal your heart until it’s full of your own love again. A heartbreak basically stands for all the love that gets lost, which is why it’s so important to refill your heart with your own love first. Really heal it through feeling all the feels until you feel your own deep, glowing (self) love inside again.
Listen to music, sing, dance or cry it out! These are all great ways to manifest that inner painful energy into outside energy so it can escape your body freely. Your tears are simply a manifestation of your feelings, which is why it’s always so good to cry. I honestly combine the crying oftentimes with singing and dancing (with intention) so there’s even more flow and movement happening inside, and hopefully, through the moves I do and the words I sing, the energy will leave me and the pain will release me. Sometimes I even hold my heart while doing this or close my eyes to connect with myself on an even deeper level. Most often, I end these sessions with a long shower to let the final tears (of the day) flow down the drain.
Whenever I dance, I often listen to Deep House, R & B or Afrobeats (while my tears roll down my cheeks). For the ‘singing’ part, I truly have the most dramatic songs, simply because these resonate with me the most. It’s funny, as I never ever listen to or notice the words in a song until I’m in deep pain, and suddenly the words hurt, humble and heal me.
Here are my top 20 heartbreak singalongs. Trust and believe, when I say these songs will help you awaken the painful energy you have suppressed so deeply. I also want to remind you that the only way out is honestly through it all. (You either pull away and distract or face your pains and pull through, the choice is yours.) If these tunes don’t resonate with you, like they did for me, then I encourage you to find your own, as long as they feel connected to you, your pain and your story. (Check out my Spotify for this Playlist – Healing Heart, link below.)
- Let it Go – James Bay
- Bad Luck – Khalid
- Someone You Loved – Lewis Capaldi
- My All – Mariah Carey
- Genoeg Te Doen – Jamai
- Back to Black – Amy Winehouse
- Needed Me – Rihanna
- Figures – Jessie Reyez
- Save Your Tears – The Weekend
- Belong to You – Sabrina Claudio
- Niet Meer – Anthony Lobato
- Even My Dad Does Sometimes – Ed Sheeran
- Bruises – Lewis Capaldi
- Love In The Dark – Adele
- Solo – Zoe Tauran, Bilal Wahil
- Doing It Wrong – Drake
- Sandcastles – Beyonce
- Burn – Usher
- Simple Things – Miguel
- DFMU – Ella Mai
The moment you pass through the no eating, nausea, puking, stomach pain, pressure on your chest, feeling as if there’s a massive knot in your belly, the lack of motivation, the hyperventilation, the unwellness, the crying, the releasing and everything in between…. there comes light.
It’s as if the sun slowly takes its time to rise again. You won’t think about your heartbreak every single second anymore; it becomes once a minute. And from every minute, you go into once an hour, to suddenly once a day. And before you realize it, days go by without thinking about it, and you suddenly get excited to go somewhere. You look at yourself in the mirror and you feel encouraged, as if you reconnect to that person you see in the mirror. You no longer feel disconnected from the world but actually even more connected to yourself than ever before. You feel proud of yourself, you start loving yourself, you start being yourself.
Heartbreaks truly make you know yourself better. You experience how to depend on yourself, reclaim your worth and learn how to fight for what feels right within. Each and every heartbreak, your eyes become clearer and your worth grows more. The moment you have accepted your heartbreak (truly accepted, without any underlying bitterness), and are aware of all it taught and brought you… you have reached the finish line.
Better and brighter times are now awaiting. Get ready to grab your sunglasses, as I mean it when I say that the times that are entering will be BRIGHT!
Last but not least, please now place both your hands on your heart and say: Dear Heart, I will hold you. I will heal you, I will fight for you and I will love you, so you can be loved again. I AM LOVE, I AM LOVE, I AM LOVE. (Repeat as often as feels right to you.)
Now, pinky promise to me, you will take care of your heart. Love it, protect it, heal it. You owe it to yourself.
TIP: When the moment comes that you fall in love again, don’t just throw your fragile heart to somebody new while asking them in a friendly way to hold it and take care of it. If you do so, then they are the only one responsible for holding onto your heart... Instead, learn how to hold your own heart first before you allow somebody else to hold it with you. If the other person then one day decides to stop holding on... YOU, at least, will still be holding onto your own heart.
*Feel free to share this post with anybody who can use a blanket of hope and love during heartbreaking times. Have you received this blog from a friend? Then, I wish that you never become so familiar with pain that you lose hope in the power of love. Hope has the ability to mend and restore even the most broken of hearts. May this post encourage you to never give up on your hope for true, healthy love as I'm truly here to help you renew your hope for love.
YOU are LOVE and you deserve the purest form of LOVE.
This world needs your LOVE.
''It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.''- Alfred Lord
May this post inspire you to never be afraid to be the one who loves the most!
*For uplifting and empowering songs, please check out my SOLO JUMP Playlists too.
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